After a month.....

Being with the family on the 12th day ceremonies was an emotionally draining experience. And, in just 2 day's it's going to be exactly a month. Of course, no one can even begin to comprehend or pretend to understand – what Malathi and the kids, Venkat’s aged parents, Malathi’s Mom, Dad, Brother and other close relatives (including her old grand-mother ) who had all flown down from Andhra were going thru’.

There was an unending stream of visitors everyday - often continuing till late into the evenings. The VIPs were preceded by their security contingent hours ahead of their actual arrival holding up life in the house. Friends were there to help, a few had well-meaning advice to offer, the rest were there simply to stand-by in the hour of grief.

The common refrain of all who came was: what a ‘brave girl’ Malathi was and how well she was holding herself together – she quietly asked “do I have an option?”. Her mom was resolutely holding the anchor of the household, while her Dad – the retired forensic Doctor – was the strong face of the family – calmly bearing the load of the tragedy.

Amidst all this, somewhere one felt Venkat’s affable spirit – providing strength and occasionally lifting the pall of gloom, when they joked and even laughed a little. The kids - too young and innocent to realise the magnitude of the loss - remained immersed in their games and computers, yet - silently and invisibly - holding onto their mother close - both to comfort her and be, themselves, comforted.

Newspaper reports confirmed what we had already heard from friends in the establishment – Afghan & US Military Intelligence had warned of the attack and even details to the make of the car that would be used were known. Attending a workshop on Safety at one of our plants in a remote corner of Chattisgarh, I pondered over the age-old question of whether human intervention can shuffle the cards to change the hand that life deals out to us – no matter how much westerners deride the ‘fatalistic’ mentality of us Asians.

As the relatives departed, the children went back to school and Malathi re-joined work, I was reminded of what Dubby (Bhagat ) had once told me in Kathmandu. At first there is denial, which is replaced by shock and disbelief, giving way to understanding, that ultimately leads to closure through catharsis - clearing the way for life to move ahead once again.

Billoo - My friend Venkat

Like so many of my good friendships, Venkat and I started off with a fight. He had just arrived in Kathmandu from Sri Lanka. We had gathered at the Bhat-bhateni residence of Nagma ( Mallik ) – the Commerce Attaché at the Indian Embassy - to discuss the issues being faced by the Indian JVs in Nepal with mounting Maoist insurgency. Venkat touched a raw nerve in me by asking – “what are the Indian companies doing to improve the image of India in Nepal ?” That got me started on my pet peeve (something – I realize with the hindsight of age – that didn’t quite endear me to the charming lady Diplomat either !!).

That evening, as Malathi never tired of recounting, -`Venkat came home fuming’ – at the temerity of the Bengali bloke challenging the authority of the all-powerful Indian establishment in Lainchaur. The ripples of that altercation also reached the “Nona-Nina-Mona” Lane of Baluwater through other channels as well - causing some domestic consternation. But, you could trust Malathi to break the ice. “So you are the one who fought with my husband” she charged me point - blank at the very first party we met and then threw a supplementary - “but tell me – are you, by any chance, also a Virgoan ?” On confirming her intuition she broke into her signature waterfall laughter. And there began the “Billoo” factor. ( it was a coinage of our dear Seth – who henceforth insisted on referring to Malathi as my ‘sister’, as she had brokered the ‘truce’ between me and Venkat and, therefore, by definition her husband became my ‘b-i-l’. And, 'Billoo' was just a feline or facile - albeit affectionate - extension of that).

The Rao’s sailed in like a draught of cool breeze – through the re-cycled air of the Kats social circuit - populated primarily with the embassy gentry, a handful of Nepali aristocrats ( both Royalty and Commoners ) and a motley group of Indian businessmen and company executives. Soon, they were the flavour of all the parties in town. Malathi’s infectious vivacity and Venkat’s unaffected joviality made them an instant hit and a popular pair all thru’ their 3 years of stay in Kathmandu.

At first look they might have appeared to be 2 very different people – but it didn’t take long to realize their relationship was built on the bond of a very strong and deep understanding - which made them, as Nina aptly put it, “not just a couple but a team” who beautifully complemented each other. Venkat obviously enjoyed the attention his ‘bubbly and spirited’ wife received in all social gatherings - while she, in turn, thrived on the admiration and respect he commanded with his reputation of being a very competent officer. And, together they made wonderful parents to their 2 lovely kids – Aniket and Amulya – strongly moored, as they were, in solid family values.

I am not sure if the Pew Survey covers what the Nepalese feel and think about India and Indians. But, I guess it can’t be very different from what the USA scores not just from its immediate neighbours but the world at large. In such a context, the First Secretary Political at the Indian Mission at Kathmandu is not usually the most liked diplomat. But, Venkat proved to be different. He never put on the patronizing big brotherly air that comes so naturally to the ‘southern neighbours’ of the Himalyan Kingdom ( nay, Republic ). With his self-effacing style, he quickly won the trust and confidence of the politicians cutting across party lines and affiliations – friendships he carried long after he moved out of Nepal.

He was his own man wherever he went. It was this trait that stood him in good stead even when he was in Uncle Sam’s country. Something that comes through clearly from the tributes he received from those who knew him there – most notably K. P. Nayar of The Telegraph and Chidanand Rajghatta of the ToI. On being interviewed by Arnab Goswami on TIMES NOW, the latter began by paying a personal tribute to Venkat and condolences to Malathi – to use his own words “ they had won many friends in Washington during their stay there”. I got a glimpse of his wide network and circle of influence - when I went to WAS DC last year on some semi-personal work.

Venkat moved to Kabul around the same time I shifted to Delhi in 2006. We’d joke that we were both in “non-family stations” – with me appropriating the self-appointed status of being the local guardians of the “sister” and her kids much to the discomfiture of some of our afore-mentioned common friends who, undoubtedly, had the best interest of his family at heart. In Afghanistan, Venkat shed some weight and with a clean-shaven look was every bit the dapper diplomat. We frivolously attributed this to the therapeutic value of the juicy, lycopene-rich Kandahar pomegranates and the Chinese R & R center next to his house. Kabul being a ‘hardship’ posting his tenure would have normally lasted for 2years. But, Venkat did consider extending it by a year more – finally deciding against it as he wanted to be around for Aniket’s final years in school.

My last email exchanges with him were less than 2 weeks ago. I was in the US and read the statement of the Afghan Intelligence Chief on the assassination attempt at Karzai a few weeks back. I thought it significant that for the first time the Afghan government openly accused a Pakistani ISI hand in the incident – with Karzai – probably in a fit of bravado - even threatening to send his troops into Peshawar to flush out Taliban elements. I wondered if the Political Counselor had something to do with eliciting such a strong reaction from the host government – who were known for carefully calibrating their responses in playing a difficult balancing act.

In his reply, Venkat wrote that he was getting ready to pack his bags after a very fulfilling stint and would be back in August. He mildly chastised me for not coming to visit him in Kabul ( which he always insisted was “safer than Delhi” ) and even had a jab at me saying that, I was probably waiting for his successor to come from Tanzania – who we also knew from our Kathmandu days. He mentioned that, he might come to Delhi on a short official visit in early July when we should try to catch up. As luck would have it – I was in Delhi the last weekend – but somehow didn’t manage to connect. The rest, of course, as they say was splashed all over the newspapers and regurgitated endlessly on our TV channels.

Seeing Malathi’s brother Girish, an Air-force officer, saluting Venkat for one last time as they blew the bugles at the War Crematorium in Brar Square and clutching on to Aniket close to his chest trying hard to hold back his own tears as a proud serviceman – I thought, I can never feel even an iota of what he was going thru’ at the loss of his sister ’s husband.